Jad used to understand. When I miss him, the thing I miss the most is how he would understand.

He would understand the anger in me, the pain in me, the feelings that even I didn't understand. Last month, a black woman won the Emmy for leading actress; I don't watch the Emmys, and I don't watch HTGAWM yet, but I cried while watching her speech; and when I told Jad, he understood. And I didn't need to explain to him what it meant, I didn't need to explain to him that every little bit of positive change for black people - and even more so when they are black women - makes me happy as hell (all the while breaking my heart, because we're in 2015). I didn't need to explain what it meant to me, because he knew, and he understood. And Jad is more privileged than I am (I know I don't talk about privilege a lot), being a straight man; even though he is a lot less privileged than other people (being an Arab in a world where Islamophobia is the new accepted form of racism - and yes, I am aware that being an Arab doesn't make you a Muslim, but the world sadly isn't); but he fucking understood. And whenever I think about whether or not I'll find someone again someday with whom I could have what I had with Jad, I'm always left wondering if someone else will understand me the way he did. But that doesn't actually matter all that much, what matters is - will someone understand the world, and everything that is wrong with it, and everything that needs to be changed, the way that he did? And that's when I miss Jad the most.